I used to spend a lot of time scared.
When I was a corporate leader and later an entrepreneur, I had success but constantly doubted myself.
I always felt I was behind my peers. Behind in knowledge, behind in skill.
I felt like they deserved to be there, and I was just faking it.
I was scared that I would get found out and that I would lose everything.
From the outside, my life looked great, even though I was just holding it together on the inside.
That disconnect had a massive impact on my relationships as people picked up on that insecurity.
I lacked deep friendships, wasn’t very approachable, and because I didn’t trust myself, people didn’t trust me.
My outside relationships were mirroring my relationship with myself.
It’s because of what I call the Mirrored Relationship Effect. It means that your outer relationships mirror how you feel about, or what’s going on, with yourself.
Leaders often know what to “do,” just not how to “be.” They know something is missing. They just aren’t sure what it is, nor how to fix it.
What they don’t realize is whatever they are hiding or dealing with in the back of their mind and out of visible sight of others affects the rest of their lives.
This brings us to the crucial key point, yet very rarely addressed for leaders;
Your Leadership is an Extension of the Relationship with Yourself.
When I say “relationship with yourself”, it’s how you feel and think about yourself.
This means if you doubt yourself, even a little bit, others will also doubt you.
If you are stressed out or fearful, people will sense that and be on their guard around you.
If you don’t trust yourself or your team, people will not fully trust you either.
It’s a deep mindset principle that I’ve been working with leaders on for years. It takes inner work to discover where this is happening and how you can rewire yourself to become an influential, strategic, confident leader.
What’s great is that when you get to know, like, and trust yourself, everything changes.
When you believe in yourself and your team, others believe in you.
When you trust yourself, deep down, others trust you.
When you get clear on your values and live them while deeply respecting yourself, you naturally and easily earn other people’s respect.
Your Leadership is an Extension of the Relationship with Yourself is such an essential tenant of leadership (and life) that it’s my upcoming book, Leadership Mindset 2.0‘s core message.